I've returned from a fantastic break in the sunshine in Fuerteventura and really enjoyed the time away in the sun. It really was good to feel the warmth of the sun once more. The journey was difficult and I really struggled to get around, but with generous assistance I made it ok ...... I can't see I'd manage it again now though. This put a massive downer on the whole thing for me as I won't accept that my disability is finally beginning to dictate what I can and more importantly cannot do - I find this really frustrating and upsetting. I've stated before I accept the diagnosis and prognosis - what is becoming ever more challenging is the cruel way that life is slowly being eroded.
Since returning home on Friday - not only have I been really tired but I feel totally debilitated by the situation. Usually I would be able to find a way of putting a positive spin on things but I have simply run out of finding new ways of looking at things. I really feel defeated right now.
The main perpetrator of this feeling is the lack of mobility I am suffering with.... I can now hardly walk more than a few paces without losing my balance and my 'gait' is so noticeably poor that I struggle to move well. All the therapy in the world can't beat the inevitable onslaught of this disease. It's so hard watching life go on around me when mine seems to be going in reverse .....I think I have a case of the Benjamin Buttons'
The extension to my home is still ongoing in the planning stages and i am hopeful this will start to get some traction soon - it needs to !
Tuesday brings an appointment at the local hospice to start the process of my advance care plan - I have some ideas about what this might look like but will see what the 'experts' offer as they deal with this sort of thing all the time.
Otherwise it is a fairly normal week - the world keeps spinning and I will keep 'plodding on' for now.....
