As I write this blog I am sorry to say my life has become meaningless.....
A sedentary existence has befallen me, and I now do nothing more than sleep/ eat/ read/ watch tv or stare at the wall searching for some form of stimulation or meaningful time absorbing task. Non appears; and as I am so set against 'filling my time' with activity such as jigsaws,games and the like I've discovered that I am unable to function well without meaningful human 1:1 contact. A quick visit from family is well received and helps, but nothing replaces the 100's of weekly transactions I am used to. I am struggling to adapt to the loneliness.
I have just about given in on the walking as my inactivity and muscle wastage on my legs is becoming too difficult to overcome. This is causing me great distress and discomfort. So adverse to wheelchairs etc.
Sleeping patterns have worsened , with so little physical and psycholgical exercise I am simply not tired at 'bedtime' and lay in bed for hours,willing myself to sleep. I don't 'do' medication-so sleeping tablets are out of the question.All that remains is for me to figure out a method or strategy.
I am truly wasting away in every sense.
My DIGNITAS option looks ever more 'favourable' ...... I feel an escape from this situation is ever more relevant now. I sense a feeling of being burdensome on those close by..... ignored and missed - this is my feeling. The deterioration is hard enough in its own right, without other issues being added to,
'why does no one understand!!!'
I feel like screaming at regular intervals.
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I am hopeful of a short break to the coast this week ,and that a change of scenery and environment may help with my current view of things. Hope is a strategy after all ....
However, to you all I truly wish you a Merry Christmas and a fruitful 2017....
