So a year has passed since my 'symptomatic diagnosis' and the year has been punctuated by many memories, not least attending my cousin's wedding in Spain (an unforgettable experience :)
As the year has progresssed I have found myself 'letting go' of material stuff and relationships as part of the preparing for the future.
It is this anticipatory grieving process that is so painful and exhausting, whilst still attempting to maintain some sense of a life in which to function.
Lately I have been working through accepting my lack of purpose and ever decreasing social groups and experiences. For me, I have always explored new relationships and groups, constantly seeking new experiences and stimulation; so I am finding this extremely difficult.
As I have developed personally over the last five years or so, I have found that authentic,deep relationships have become ever more valuable rather that the volume of relationships.I have a few, so very valuable friendships and relationships that are now 'mis-firing' due to my own lack of ability/capability- and this is unacceptable to me; I have a certain standard of existence that is acceptable and this 'line' is becoming ever more challenged. However, my study and self reflective time has enabled a good level of skill in coming to terms with & understanding this process. I have plenty of time to ponder on such matters lately...
It is the letting go of these friendships that causes me most upset and anguish, as I prepare for the next phase of this debilitating illness.
My days, these days, are much shorter as I need much more sleep and the fatigue associated with this illness often leads me to sleep further in the daytime. My mobilty is now severely affected as I cannot walk hardly at all, even with the assistance of a walking stick. I am at a loss as to how I will manage when unable to walk at all - a wheel chair seems an unrealistic option for me ..... I am exploring options.
On a positive note I have secured some funding to help employ resource to help me carry out some of the tasks I can /will not be able to carry out in the near future. This is atleast allowing me to enjoy some time independently as possible and still enjoy a small percentage of my remaining time.
I am pround to announce the three years of university study has culminated in a first class honours degree in what was to be my new vocation - Humanistic Counselling/therapy ; a bitter/sweet moment for me....
In August I challenged myself to cycle 10 kilometers every day - for three distinct reasons;
Until the next time......
I hope you ALL enjoy every minute of every day - it really is a gift we often do not prize enough ....
In August I challenged myself to cycle 10 kilometers every day - for three distinct reasons;
- To raise funds towards CJD research
- To give me a focus
- To keep my legs moving
Until the next time......
I hope you ALL enjoy every minute of every day - it really is a gift we often do not prize enough ....
