Energy is something I reflect on a great deal. I find I hardly have the energy to do 1/10th of the activity I used to ; I have to 'save up' my energy in advance of anything these days (even a trip to the shop or a social thing) can leave me exhausted . I struggle with this after so many years of actively seeking new challenges/experiences I am now confined to a much more simple & humble existence. Enforced reflective time is both a blessing and a curse, leading me to ponder about my foreshortened life.
Thankfully I have a few weeks break from my usual schedule and I will be able to engage in some further restorative pass times (perhaps another holiday, get the paints out, jigsaws, drawing) that I am hoping with help me through until the end of June (a time specific for me - that will mark the end of my degree study) I am using June 2016 as a motivation to keep going with some vitally engaging self development. July 2016 seems another significant time - my 45th birthday, perhaps my last ?
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The site visit for the extension at home went well (I think?) this week and we should have a more solid plan in the next week, from there completion should be by end of June - I hope so as the expedition every night climbing the stairs is becoming a real challenge. This new space will enable me to function on the ground floor of our home with a self contained area for myself.
I felt a real sense of disappointment as the week ended - I feel really 'missed' - I've reflected on this alot and it would seem fairly common to at the end of ones life to think 'do I really matter ?' - I've concluded that this is the ego talking and humility and service to others is my purpose, I have always taken most pleasure from helping others so will continue to do so as long as I am able. I'll do my best to keep these 'self indulgent' feelings in check....
With limited mobility I am finding it hard to get exercise, I walk less than 100m per day and I feel myself seizing up and losing muscle tone/bulk quickly. My only route to satisfy this shortfall at the moment is my road cycle, once I am on it and moving I feel ok - although I did come off it this weekend. I'll try and get out a few times a week now that the weather has improved somewhat :)
Some new leg supports to try this week - the goal to enable me to walk unaided for a while longer- Tuesday is the day to pick these up & I am hopeful of a positive outcome.I've decided to stop publishing the blog on facebook, but if you are interested in reading it in the future you can still find it at:
http://stuartmichaelthompson.blogspot.co.uk/
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