Week +32: Calm before the journey ahead....

The walking dying....

Signs and symptoms of this disease are impossible to evade, brought up in daily discussion with friends & family ... leading on from the all to familiar 'how are you?' which leads to a complex plethora of potential responses - my current favourite "breathing" . 

How am I?
Sad, lonely, frustrated, full of life and latent energy to express through the right channels, focused, confused, quiet, thoughtful, brave, scared, open, giving, retracted .

  I am just fine ..... ; with the exception of the lack of ability to physically 'get around' (walking) - this 'skill' now almost taken away is most disturbing - what can I do if I cannot walk ? (lots) but my attitude towards this enforced restriction is taking an interesting response - one of belligerent unwillingness to accept this is so. I am 44 years of age and not prepared to give up on life.
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The above section was written at the start of the week when my reserves were low and I was at a two-week long low point. However, something shifted at the end of the week when I took a break, away on the East coast of Norfolk. During the peace and quiet I realised that a simpler, more contained life is not such a bad thing. It gives me the opportunity to focus my mind on the end of my degree study program, my family/friends, my self care and well-being.
I have so much I can do at home from missed time gone by, focusing on pass times & hobbies I have not paid attention to for many years - I really don't mind. I've managed to walk around a little while we were away, which certainly made me feel less useless and hopeless.
 A new adjustment and adaptation.
  
  The next few weeks are less filled with appointments and activity than I have had recently giving me a sense of space and time to relax a little and take life a little slower. I look forward to this soul enriching time and will use the time wisely - taking great care over myself and the ways in which I choose to invest this valuable pause.

Great news on the house extension, plans are ready and just needs signing off - the expected duration of the build is 6 weeks; so all being well this much needed space will be ready by the start of July at the latest; so at least I will be able to enjoy the summer in more suitable surroundings & prepare for the road ahead.   

   

 The strength keep on going is returning .... a deep rumble from somewhere deep..... the spirit I believe. The true soul speaking and reminding me to never give up :)