2016 the last ?
This year ....... mmm ...... how can I begin to think about a year ?
A week maybe, a month at a push ... but a year? Listening (lots of) to all the plans, excitement and goals being set for 2016 led me to an empty feeling......
My personal goal is to survive and keep breathing (simple eh?), I wish it was that easy. The new way of living (for me) is requiring some major adjustment to my 'system'. Forward planning- gone , strategy - gone, replaced with living in the moment, 'coping' and 'managing'. I'm needing to start to lean on others for help and support, unnatural for me & taking some getting used to, but I've started... I am having to relearn how to live, with some difficulty. The fairly successful life toolkit I've used for the last 44 years now obsolete and replaced with a new version - simpler and more authentic, but taking some adapting to.
My biggest realisation over the new year period has been how much I have taken for granted in the past (health wise), I've been lucky and never had to visit the hospital or doctors for any health issues really; except the bug in the ear drama and some support with bereavement issues when mum died eight years ago.My previous good health replaced by this stumbling around and general mobility challenges (well masked in public). Now, my health is in my mind 24/7 - from the moment I wake until the moment I drop off to sleep. I think the hardest part is the acceptance of the uncertainty of the journey ahead - other than it being difficult in nature, there is no plan, route or pattern just a destination.
The enforced Christmas and New Year 'hibernation' ,for the last two weeks-whilst many of my networks have closed down, has prevented me from expending my energy where I like to most - in helping and supporting others, I've found this to be quite debilitating & it made an unbelievable difference emerging into the world once more this week as this awkward period has passed..... No time for excessive resting!!!
I've asked for a structured session with the specialist clinic to help me understand the recent test results returned just before Christmas - this will help me make some important decisions for the start of this year and my ability to continue any self development work I have to attend to or to 'retire gracefully'. It feels that a lot rests on these conversations.
New appointments commence this week - hydrotherapy imminent, more physiotherapy - hopefully helpful.
Life at home is challenging right now for us all - so I'll leave the blog short this week & may return to it at some point....
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