Week + 20 : Some plans for the future;

This last week was a vibrant mixture of experiences that one calls life.... and I found myself fully engaged, once more, after the Christmas/New Year lull.

 I find every day feels like a blessing and even more so when I am able to spend the time with special people or in productive activity.

 I'm able to work a little on a voluntary basis for a few hours each week to keep my focus and engagement with the general public and this is helping with giving me meaning, focus and drive. Where it would be easy to retire and 'fill my time' .... this more engaged way seems better for me, more energy filled and life enriched(if only in much smaller ways than I am used to) ; I am still able to 'make a difference'.

  A busy week last week, were I feel I over did 'it' and suffered at the end of the week with terrific pain in my legs mainly due to trying to walk too much I think, and the movement in my legs becoming harder now as my brain disconnects some of this function. I have a couple of appointments this Tuesday focused particularly on my legs to see if anything can be done to sustain them a while longer. I do have physiotherapy  and massages now, and whilst useful there and then - I'm not sure of the benefit in the day to day getting around.....I'm now restricted to walking less than 100m or so without experiencing real difficulty.
Some adaptive plans need to be evolved I'm thinking....          I find it incredibly difficult 'giving in' to this illness and resorting to the use of walking aids; as I know once I have, there will be no return...... however, I do count by blessings when my suffering is far less than some others have to endure visibly or invisibly. I have a commitment to a personal goal for the next six months I really would love to meet - to complete my degree study project & graduate. I do, however accept this is in the main out of my control for health reasons but I trust I will accept and adapt as I need to...

  Re-joining the gym this last week helped somewhat and with the associated benefit of a swimming pool, I think non-weight bearing exercise may be useful for a while. I feel and see the robust muscles disappearing from my lower legs already so any stabilising of this will be helpful, if not vital for me to meet my six month goal of able bodied independence.

  Tomorrow (Tuesday) I have an appointment to see what leg braces/support may be suitable and in addition a hydrotherapy induction - so basically a day at the hospital, although both appointments should be positive and fruitful.

  This last week I was able to commit to some future plans with a overseas holiday booked for a few days with family .....

.....and a trip to see a Shakespeare play with another really good close friend- both something I really look forward to. So I have something really positive in my diary each month to look forward to until April, when I will re-assess my ability/capability to manage with life and then figure out the next step ... small they may be but so long as in a forward direction that will do me. 

  Some catch ups' with good friends throughout the week helped keep my energy levels up and reminds me of what life is all about - these human connections with others that we often take for granted or pass us by unnoticed. I am so grateful for my good family and friends :) They fill me with great love and appreciation - which I see much clearer these days than ever before.

  Having told myself off for not asking for help recently, I was able to ask for help from two family members with some stuff I was unable to deal with (practical and administrative), and was happy to have done so as it help relieve the stress and difficulty 'normal' life brings and enables me to stay in a positive/energetic groove as much as possible. This made a huge difference to my ability to stay above the B.S. that life can often bring to our doorstep.

  On a much lighter note I am writing some theoretical 'stuff' about personal growth and development following terminal illness diagnosis, although the subject is 'heavy' there are some really enlightening and hopeful messages, observations and learning coming through. What amazing abilities life has to adapt, grow and re-invent - I may publish these at a later point.

Wishing all of you a great week on planet earth :)