A painful but necessary meeting at the start of the week discussing critical adaptation/ building works at home to provide a suitable end of life environment took place. The emotional and highly charged meeting, appeared at first to be subject of obstruction and reasons why it couldn't be done or proposed 'cost effective' short cuts suggested. In the end though, it seemed the hearts and minds of the organisations/stakeholders were on board and engaged with this. So we wait for the next step to form, planning, building works etc.
The plan is to construct a downstairs wet room and living 'quarters' that can be adapted to a more hospitalised environment when the time comes.I am hopeful that this can happen - in time..... After my death, this can then be used as an additional reception room or similar by my family, so practical in the longer term too.
I had a couple of clinical appointments this week ; one of which disturbed me somewhat - a fitting for a leg brace to prevent my knees from 'locking out' or hyper extending the leg brace supplied by the NHS (with good intention) really does not seem practical or helpful. I've been asked to try it for a couple of months and then review - but after a few hours I really feel it is not the right solution for me at this time.
It looks very much like this.......
Much of my spare time this week has been a focusing exercise on a seminar I have been writing/preparing for some time - I really had a sense of risk in the delivery of this, as I was putting some seriously personal stuff 'out there', I did ask myself on several occasions why do it?, but settled on the fact there is too much learning to be gained from my situation not to share some of it - it may benefit others in some way? An interesting phenomenological experiment if nothing else....in the end the content seemed to be received and created some interesting reflections and thought s from my peers. Also, I would add the experience has enriched my sense of self as a counsellor/therapist - facilitated a deeper sense of meaning, if you will.
Next week sees a return to my University study program - something I had not thought would happen, when adjusting to my unfortunate situation last September I had figured I would have to withdraw from this much sooner - but as things stand; barring my difficulty walking and some slurring of speech when tired, I seem to be doing ok and still able to work well with this vocational experience. In fact I seem to be doing better than ever, finding new ways to connect with this stuff - driving some real energy and focus.
I did have a worrying episode on Wednesday, which I won't detail here, but I put this down to three things 1) over doing things and forgetting my illness 2)not eating correctly on the day 3) allowing stress and frustration to creep back into my otherwise well structured maintained life. My body reminding me to be kind to myself and take it easy when possible - to maintain focus and energy when needed.
A new tattoo number 11 was the thing of much focus and strangely attractive pain on Wednesday morning - covering up my 1st tattoo and developing some symbolic stuff I've had done previously - really happy and impressed with the tattoo and the tattooist who completed it for me .
I am enjoying the new mobility car and this is making my life easier and I am enjoying driving again-for now. A simpler vehicle and more appropriate for my situation - this is just one of the key supports that has enriched and made things that little bit more tolerable :)
It's one of these...... same colour and spec .....
Looking forward to a reasonably relaxing weekend and a more settled month ahead :)
Take care out there in the wide world. . . . .
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