As someone who has experienced a high level of stress in the workplace (for a sustained period of years) due to the nature of my previous career, and in my home life (some self inflicted, some not so). This 'focus' left me reflecting a great deal about my relationship with stress and the impact it has had on my health in the current situation - there is some theory that suggests that stress can be something that influences an earlier on-set of symptoms of the neurological inherited CJD. Although, I can do nothing to change the past I am left with an acute sense that I had probably not helped my situation by existing in the pressurised management roles for so long - however, I did not know of my health condition at the time, so it would have been impossible to knowingly adapt at that time - never the less has left me wondering about the impact stress has on all our lives and how we collectively or individually find distraction or coping mechanisms to help us 'cope' when we could be really listening and noticing what is going on before the stress manifests itself into a more serious health condition.
That is my reflective offering from this study time :)
Otherwise, this week had a great deal of time devoted to relaxation and self-care, after a few weeks of being very busy (for my current capability) , I really needed some 'down time' to re-charge my energy to enable the cognitive focus required at the end of the week.
I did have a few health related appointments , but these were all at home - so made life a little easier.
My continuing battle with trying to walk unaided goes on - proving more difficult by the day, but I am hanging on (not literally ... yet !). Having looked,with my physiotherapist, at the leg brace provided by the NHS I have decided it is not suitable for my needs at this time and will contact them for something more so; it's taken me a while to get to a place where I don't think what has been provided suits my current needs and felt able to challenge this. Even so I need something as my legs really do become painful as they fail to work correctly - the hyper extending of my knees proving to be the most difficult aspect.
I have noticed a lack of connection with family recently (not immediate at home but other important family members) - I sense this distancing - often due to busy lifestyles and commitments, but still leaves me feeling sad & 'missed'. Time is limited (certainly for my willingness to live with this condition) and I find my urge to want to spend more quality time with these special people is not being reciprocated - I have settled on not saying anything verbally and kind of left hoping there may be a shift in awareness. Perhaps, as I seem to be declining 'slowly' there is a view that there is more time & the immediacy of the illness is less daunting - I guess I just don't know about what others think and can only focus on my 'process' and what will be will be.
I was deeply moved by the BBC program this week about Simon's end of life choices and found the documentary moving and resonating. Consciously reminding me to 'get my house in order' regarding this area - something I have started to work on with the local hospice, but as we all know the ability to make decisions of this magnitude require travelling outside of the UK, I've included the link below & encourage anyone interested enough to watch it.....
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b070jm26/how-to-die-simons-choice
The end of the week presents a possible trip to a place I travelled to with family on one of my most memorable holidays - this was travelling around the UK in a motor home . This was so freeing and an incredibly evocative experience for me & I hope revisiting one of these places proves to be a positive experience & will share some pictures next week ....
I wish all of you a vibrant and colourful week :)
I too watched "Simon's choice" and was deeply moved by his situation. I could understand his reasoning totally - not wanting to be a body, with all that we are, with no means of communicating with the outside world. I feel it is a cruel society that made him endure a flight to Europe to get what he needed. RIP Simon - brave to the end
ReplyDeleteAgree Julie , sad decision for him to make and even worse to have to leave the country in order to get the support and help he required. A massive moral and ethical debate - but a necessary one.
ReplyDeleteI can't see why existence at the level of his long term prognosis is seen as humane.
What a brave gentleman :'-|